Well Color Me…..

My ramblings on the world in general and my life in particular

…a liar

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It’s true, I’m a liar.  A huge, gigantic liar.  Do I lie to other people.  Not usually.  The person I lie to is myself, and honestly, that’s a million times worse than lying to other people.

I tell myself that things are going well when in reality, they kind of suck.  I tell myself that financially things are good when I’m barely holding my head above water.  I lie to myself about the relationships that I’m in when in actuality, their poisonous and toxic.

I put on a facade that I’m this really positive forward thinking person. In actuality, I’m probably the most negative, full of self-doubt person there is.

Why would anybody do this to themselves?  Well, I can’t speak for the rest of the world, I can barely speak for myself.  But I think the answer is because it’s easier.  Staying right where you are and doing what you’ve always done, remaining stagnant and unchanging is not only easier, it’s a hell of a less scary.

The question is, do I want to remain the way I am, a liar to myself, trapped in a bad place emotionally, financially struggling and ruining my life by hanging on to people that I should let go of, or do I want to move forward and make some changes.

The answer is, I have no idea.  I’m not big on the change, and I’m a huge coward….I really just don’t know what to do

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