Well Color Me…..

My ramblings on the world in general and my life in particular

…….Completely and Totally Apathetic


Which is actually a pretty sad way to be when you think about it.  It’s been a challenging couple of months for me.  Every year in my school district there are layoffs and this year, they are severe.  Over 135 teachers were let go.  I was NOT one of them yet, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  There was a long period of waiting and waiting for it to happen, and there are still  2 more days left in the layoff period.  It’s hard to remain upbeat and positive when you have no idea if you are going to have a job, or when you year about this friend or that being laid off.

This segues nicely into my next worry which is the same worry as everybody else, MONEY.  I have none.  Well that’s not true, but I sure don’t have enough, and with two kids heading off to college in a year, it’s starting to get very worrisome.  I have no idea how I’m supposed to fund the college educations of two kids when I can’t even pay off my OWN student loans.  I mean really, this is INSANE!  I already know not to expect any help from their father – he can’t be bothered to even SEE them, I certainly can’t count on any contributions to their college education, and in fact, their child support ends the day they graduate from high school.  I’m not opposed to getting a second job, but right now, I’m still their parent, and I feel my place is home with them in the evenings.

There are a few other worries that I can’t comment on in a public blog because they involve other people, but it weighs heavily on my heart and mind.  And speaking of heavy – I am.  I get it, I know it, I hate it, but it’s so much easier to eat than it is to exercise.  I’ll be honest, I actually didn’t mind going to the gym.  I like to go right after school, but if I go home first and do home stuff – I just never get back out again.  And right now, there are so many things conspiring against me and I CAN’T get there right after school.  Yeah, it’s an excuse….i know that….but it’s also my reality.

I’m just at a blah place in my life and i’m not liking it very much.


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