Well Color Me…..

My ramblings on the world in general and my life in particular

…Lost

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Well Color me…Lost

Yes, I am lost.  At almost 52 years old, I am lost and have no idea where to turn and what to do.  On the second to last day of school for teachers, I was told my position had been eliminated due to low numbers, but it was ok because I still had job, just not at the school where I’d worked for the last ten years.  Needless to say this threw me for a loop.  My school isn’t perfect, but I love it, I love the kids I work with and I love the people I work with.  I’m the senior class advisor this year and I hated the thought of leaving the kids without seeing them graduate.  Oh that’s okay too, I could still be an advisor, I’d just have to do it from another school and come over for meetings.  Yeah like that’s going to work.

well color me lostWell another teacher in my department was leaving and I said I wanted her job.  Well that’s when the lost really started happening.  My immediate principal did everything in her power to convince me that I did NOT want the job, that the job would be too much for me and I was taking it for the wrong reasons.  The wrong reasons being I didn’t want to change schools.  Now in my mind, that’s a right reason.  I’m committed to our school and to our students.  How is that a bad thing.

Well due to union stuff they had to give me the position, but I’ve made an enemy of my immediate principal, and she’s convinced our main principal that I can’t do the job.  So now, for the first time, I’m lost when it comes to my job.  Am I the greatest special education case manager in the world? No, of course not.  But I was really good with the kids I worked with, and I think I’ll be okay with the new kids I’ll be working with.  But I also think I’m going to be walking around with a giant target on my back.  I am going to be living under a microscope and my every mistake is going to be called to the carpet.

So where does the lost come in?  It’s everywhere.  I’m floundering in all aspects of my life.  At least before, I wasn’t floundering work wise, but now my one anchor is gone, and I don’t know what to do.  I’m a freaking adult, and I’m afraid to go to work this fall because of the giant target that got placed on my back.  Here’s to hoping I eventually find my way out of the lost, but I don’t think there’s a compass made for that.

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