I have spent a lot of time (most of my life) thinking that I wasn’t important. I didn’t matter, and I wasn’t worth anything. I didn’t grow up on an abusive or neglectful household, I wasn’t berated during my formative years. I don’t know how it happened, but I always felt like I didn’t matter, and I wasn’t worth it.
I’ve always felt alone. I have serious issues where I don’t ever see why anybody would ever want to be my friend, and I always assume that people think the worst of me. Suffice to say my self-esteem is down around my ankles. It may even be under my feet and burrowing itself down into the ground.
But lately, I’ve been doing some thinking. I’m not trying to figure out why I feel this way, but I’m trying to think of ways to NOT feel this way. I read lots of self-help stuff and they give me all sorts of different things to try, and they do, but they don’t work. At least they don’t work for me. I think it’s because they’re not my ideas. They’re not organic to me.
Here’s the thing, nobody can convince me that I don’t matter and I’m not worth it, if I don’t let them. So maybe I’m the one who convinced me that I’m not worth it. If that’s the case then I’m going to convince myself that I am worth it, because I am. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty fucking awesome. I’m a good person, a great mom, though my kids may think differently. I’m a huge team player at work, and I’m a freaking awesome friend, and if there were a guy in my life, I’d be the best girlfriend ever.
So starting right here, right now, I’m worth it. I matter, and I’m important. And anybody who doesn’t think so can sod off because I don’t need that negative crap or those negative people in my life. I’m worth it!