Well Color Me

My ramblings on the world in general and my life in particular

…Discouraged

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Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough and not matter what you do, you’ll never be good enough?  It’s where I am right now, and honestly, I don’t like feeling this way.  I am all about thinking positive, and I really try to do that each and every day. I look at situations and look for the good in them, and a lot of times, it helps.  Sometimes it doesn’t, and today is one of those days.

I’m a financial mess, and I honestly don’t know how to fix it.  I should probably get a second job but I am also just old and tired.  My body aches in a thousand different places.  Of course part of that could be because I’m fat and need to lose at least 100 pounds.  So of course I had a peanut butter and fluff sandwich for breakfast.  An awesome, healthy meal, lol.  No it is what it is, and that’s comfort food. As is popcorn and tea.

I should exercise, but I hurt too much.  At some point, I turned into an old person.  I’m not quite sure when it happened, but it did. I’m sitting here complaining about aches and pains and how horrible life is.  To me that equals old person.  Ugh.

I know I should put my faith in God, and I try that, too.  Every night, I read a daily devotional, and participate in a bible study.  But what I’m finding about myself is I suck at being a good person, and being the person God wants me to be.  I try….I really do, but I just suck at it.  I’m to snarky and small thinking. But I do try, so that’s something.

I want to write, I used to love writing, but now I’m more interested in the escapism of stupid facebook games.  Dice with buddies, candy crush and angry birds.  Logically I know I should put those aside and do other things, like writing and exercise.  But I don’t.

As I sit and read back over what I’ve written, it all adds up to one thing – depression.  But I’m already fat, so why would I want to take an anti-depressant that can lead to weight gain.

I’m discouraged and I need to snap the heck out of this funk.

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